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Category Archives: nature

Dollar Store Rose

21 Sunday May 2017

Posted by debintheuwharries in earth, Happiness, healing, nature, recovery, Spirituality

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

gratitude, healing, hope, nature, philosophy, recovery, transformation

2012-06-30 Dollar Store Rose Brigitte VanMeter from son Nicky

I have friends who keep a nice yard and garden around their home. Lots of pretty flowers and shrubs, and a growing vegetable garden. In the front yard, at the end of a fence in a semi-sunny area stands a solitary rose bush. Each season it shows off its yellow blooms with their delicate, pleasant scent. I asked about this rose bush one day. Why just the one? Why over there? I learned that this full rose bush started as a little plant in a small planter, a gift from their son—from the dollar store.

A sweet gift from a loving son who didn’t have much money but wanted to give his mom something for her birthday. I got the sense that no one really expected much out of it, but it was a nice gesture, nevertheless.

A rose bush from a dollar store? Who would have much hope for it, this plant that likely had a less than ideal start in life in a market that offers high volume and oftentimes lower quality for rock bottom prices? I can just see it, crammed in with thousands of others, no special care given to this one. Many would not have made the cut to the truck, let alone all the way to market.

There it was, though, and someone made the selection and brought this one home as a gift. It was appreciated, and planted, and given healthy soil and a little sun and room to blossom. It responds by offering up its beautiful self, year after year.

I think about this a lot. Every time I see it, its lush flowering, I am filled with hope. It’s like this with people, too. Even if the start was far less than ideal, when we give or are given a little room to grow, some appreciation, the nutrients we need to be healthy, we can blossom. I am grateful to those who have offered me these things.

Bloom on.

What Matters Most

17 Saturday Sep 2016

Posted by debintheuwharries in camping, Happiness, healing, nature, recovery, Spirituality, Travel, Uncategorized, work

≈ 2 Comments

2016-09-11-10-46-34About a month ago, I attended a day-long training at one of my part-time jobs. I had the distinct impression that I would not get a lot out of the time I was certain would be better spent doing my tasks back at the office. I wish I could be more go with the flow, able to remember that I am often surprised by what happens when I stay open to things. I’m not big on group dynamic activities. Whether it’s because of my hearing loss, or my personality, or a mixture of factors, it’s hard to say. I find many of the get-to-know-you activities tedious and somewhat forced and superficial. But I was going to be there all day, so I decided I would make the best of it.

Several of the participants brought activities to share with the group that they have used in their work in substance abuse prevention to engage others in dialogue.

They all had some measure of meaning to me, and I could see how many could be utilized in different settings.

During one activity, we formed a standing circle, and each of us was given a sheet of paper and pen or pencil.

The activity went as follows:

-Write down six things that are exceedingly important to you. Do not include your family or your spiritual or religious beliefs.

-Cross out three you could let go of before the others.

-Pass your paper to the next person, and that person shall cross out one of the remaining items from your list and return your list to you. You now have two items remaining on your list.

-Cross out one item, leaving one remaining item on your list. The thing that is most important to you after you’ve made your list of six, crossed out three, dealt with someone else crossing out one item.

My list started out with:

-Independence

-Friends

-Camera

-Passionate nature

-Food

-Car

I removed, initially, food, friends, and camera. The person next to me removed my Independence, leaving me to choose between my car and my passionate nature.

It was clear to me that the car would have to go.

When all was said and done, I found my passionate nature to be so important that I would do without all the people and things that make life rich. I understood in that moment how my sense of self is tied up in that quality.

What is a passionate nature? For me, it is the life spark, the reason for being and caring and hoping and working and making every sort of move in life. When it is flagging, when the flame feels suffocated, I am not well. My mood is irritable, I retreat, and I struggle with caring about…everything.

A few people expressed how it made them feel to work through such a priority list. I stayed silent. When the leader of that activity started collecting the papers from everyone (to throw away) I told her that I wanted to keep mine.

I got a high five. J I’ve been thinking about it ever since.

Last fall, I quit my full-time job and spent two months traveling around the country, seeing old friends, meeting new ones, spending time in nature, in the country, in the towns. Seeing sights, enjoying delicious food, eating over a small camp stove when I spend nights under the stars. I returned home with a drive to create a life space that made sense to me at this stage of my life. I struggle financially, but it’s more important to be able to continue to create that space than to be “secure”. I have been busy with a couple of jobs, one I really enjoy, the other has proved not to be a good fit and I will need to make some changes around that. Overall, it is good and right to stay focused on creating a life that is in alignment with what matters most, what feeds the flames of the passionate nature. That is how I can be at my best to myself and to my community.

2016-09-11-07-27-54

 

 

Why Wait?

09 Thursday Jun 2016

Posted by debintheuwharries in camping, death and dying, earth, Happiness, healing, nature, recovery, Spirituality, Travel, Uncategorized

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Tags

death and dying, desire, gratitude, healing, hope, meditation, nature, perception, philosophy, recovery, redemption, resilience, senses, spirituality, transformation, travel, trust

2014-10-02 pond swampy Sandhills off Hoffman Road“We never know how many tomorrows we have left: eat dessert first!” “We plan, God laughs.”

The notion that we shouldn’t waste time because we have no idea when ours will be up is all too familiar. We’ve heard it, we’ve said it. Often, it’s a loss of a loved one, or the abrupt change in personal status that makes us take a fresh look at our lives. When my father died in 2013, and a dear friend died a mere 11 days later, I experienced what I’ve just recently heard described as “zombie grief”. I remember trying to describe it to some friends, that sensation of being nearly paralyzed. I was sure, I said, that it was the body’s way of preventing one (me) from doing anything drastic. After a while, I was able to move again, but I struggled both physically and emotionally. Only in relatively far retrospect did it dawn on me that I was depressed, grieving. I felt a great deal of anger, and in a way, it was refreshing, in that I felt freer to say “no”, and I did simplify my life somewhat. I stopped giving so much mental energy to people who took my energy but didn’t replenish it. I realized that changes that had occurred in my work situation needing changing once again. I planned for my departure, taking a two month hiatus and traveled across the country, enjoying plenty of time alone, visiting friends old and new, camping, and doing a little creative work through writing and photography. I returned to North Carolina, and struggled to find a balance of work that would be meaningful as well as pay bills alongside my desire to have some flexibility to do the other things that are important to me. It has not been easy, and still needs some adjusting, but for the most part I am glad for where I am with that process.

A week and a half ago, I had a couple of biopsies done on the sole of one foot. I had been concerned about the appearance of small to medium markings that had not always been there. My father died as a result of metastatic melanoma, which coincidentally appeared on the sole of his foot, so I’d been quietly terrified that those biopsies were going to come back as melanoma. I did share this concern with a couple of friends, but for the most part said nothing. I told one friend that if the report showed melanoma of the type that my father had, there is really nothing to be done about it and I would plan accordingly. I thought for just a moment and said “why am I waiting to find out if I have melanoma before deciding to plan accordingly?” Although I continued to wake up each morning wondering if today would be the day I’d get the bad news, I also spent a lot of time thinking about how important it is for me to continue to work towards ensuring that what I devote my time and energy to is more and more in alignment with those things I hold dear.

This afternoon I got the relieving news that I should keep an eye on things, but there are no high alerts at this time. I am thankful. I also hope I have the capacity to keep my eyes towards those priorities and avoid the trap of complacency. I aim to keep things fresh, and not be afraid to shake life up as I did in the fall when I quit a job that offered a modest salary with those much-coveted benefits in exchange for days and days of adventure, exploration, time with friends, new experiences, another kind of self-confidence, creative energy, and lots of “I wonder what today will bring?” mornings.

Eat dessert first!2014-09-23 dessert first Roccio2014-08-25 torta asadaJune 2016 off 109 trailhead troy nc area

Stepping Lightly

27 Sunday Mar 2016

Posted by debintheuwharries in death and dying, earth, healing, nature, Spirituality, Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

3-26-16 at Zoar cemetery bluetsAs I walk through the old Zoar cemetery, down in the country, I step carefully around the headstones, trying to read what is written, though it is often impossible to make out names, or birth and death years. The stones, covered in lichen and faded by time, have a strange beauty, as those who love cemeteries can appreciate.

It is approaching middle springtime in the Piedmont, when a cold snap can threaten the initial bursts of enthusiasm from the early blooming plants and trees. Today, the grounds of the cemetery are virtually blanketed by bluets, a wildflower species that often reaches no more than one inch in height. The blooms are small and delicate, and they are usually gone by early summer. They are a treat for the eyes after a winter with little color on the ground. So I step lightly around them, around the headstones out of respect for the deceased, and around the delicate blue, white, and purple-tinted blooms of the wildflower with the same sort of reverence. As I do so, I cannot help stepping on the moss, the grasses, the smaller rocks that are everywhere in the cemetery. For a moment, I attempt to step around some of the more interesting (to me) combinations of ground cover. The more I do that, the more I have to try to avoid squashing with my hiking boots. It pulls me to a standstill as I consider that I have been showing favoritism for one or another plant. Why? Because I think it’s pretty, or delicate, or fleeting. But what of the strength and character and subtle beauty in the wild grasses, the moss that stay green year-round, growing plush and vibrant at different times of year, but always there, an important part of the ecosystem? Why dance among the little flowers while walking all over the rest of the earth? I am troubled by this, because if I conclude that there is just as much reason to avoid squashing the other plants among the headstones as there is to avoid damaging the pretties, well then, where do I walk? Should I even be there? Where is it OK to walk, to step all over, to squash, how is such a  decision made? Do we intuitively know that no, we have no right to do damage, but since we live on the planet we have to make some decisions? We say well we should never do such and such, but we can sometimes do this and that, but other things, well, that’s just the way it goes, buddy.

There are a few of my friends who have heard me say that in the past couple of years, I’ve gone from being the friend-who-brings-beautiful-flowers when she visits your home, to the one who cannot stand the thought of cut flowers, flowers torn from their natural (or created) habitats to be put in water in a vase on a table. I suspect it comes from having spent a ridiculous amount of time over the past several years, wandering back roads, looking closely, deeply and intimately, at blooms as they run through their life paces, on trails, roadsides, and in deep woods, that I feel like to cut a flower for the express purpose of putting it on a table for a few days for all to admire is an unnecessary assault on the plant. Let it be! I’ll bring you a bottle of wine instead. J So, how different is this feeling from wanting to protect all living things? Why do I struggle with the idea of giving up meat more than I do giving up flower bouquets? Selfishness, basically. I hold that there are ethical ways of letting live, and killing, animals for human consumption and I try to make choices around that as much as possible. Is it dancing around the wildflowers again? Yes, in a way. I’d go mad if I were to pay that much attention to my every move, every moment of each day. Yet it feels a spiritual illness not to pay attention, too. Working towards balance, every day.

early spring moss growth Zoar cemetery (2)2016-03-26 Zoar groundsPhoto credits: Deborah Marcus

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  • New Chapter, Joyous News!
  • Chronic Pain – Part ONE
  • Dollar Store Rose
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